So, if the biggest need I have every day is to believe in the sovereignty of Jesus over the details/circumstances of my day, because, typically, it feels like DAVE is sovereign, like my day is up to ME, or oughtabe, and I can’t seem to graduate from needing to be reminded that I am not sovereign over my circumstances, and don’t need to be, because HE is…
Well then. What’s MY responsibility?
To CONFESS my sin/idolatry. Not to change my life, because only FoolishDave/ShepherdDave thinks that’s possible, naively imagines himself able to strive toward obedience. Of course, ShepherdDave loves to dumb down the law and sin, like the Pharisees, so following Jesus seems possible/doable. CONFESSion is not something the enemy wants me doing. Whyzat? Because he isn’t threatened by a moralist, even a Gospel-moralist. Moralism elicits puny human power. Boring to the watching world. Human-powered pseudo-obedience keeps the outside of my cup clean, makes me APPEAR obedient, and brings glory to ME, not Jesus. ShepherdDave can’t fake Jesus-humility and Jesus-love, though he tries.
Because I’ve been soaking in the Gospel, and discipling believers in the Gospel, since 1984, I no longer struggle to believe He loves me unconditionally. But I struggle to believe He exists, is in charge of my day, and that I am not in charge, not the captain of my soul, not the master of my day. It almost feels irresponsible to trust in His sovereignty for daily life. Well. For a hyper-conscientious believer it does.
Sovereignty for salvation is fine with ShepherdDave, but he doesn’t like the idea of sovereignty for sanctification. Because he gets no glory. Sanctification is the gradual process of Jesus lovingly undermining my self-confidence, so I’m more and more dependent on Him. A Jesus-dependent may appear to others as self-confident, but really, he’s simply more peaceful, because it’s NOT UP TO ME. Impossible for a Jesus-dependent to be fearful, frustrated, discouraged or bored.
So how does one believe more in the sovereignty of Jesus? Impossible. Faith is dependent on the Spirit’s work, convicting me of my sin. The starting place for fresh faith, is fresh conviction of sin. What Jesus has done to help ME, is listening to sermons on His sovereignty, asking the Spirit to USE those sermons, to convict me of my UNBELIEF in His sovereignty. So my self-confidence is freshly undermined, so I’m curious and expectant to see what He does NEXT, in me, others, circumstances. Ahhh. Pearl of great price, worth selling all to get.
–ShepherdDave, trying desperately to convince himself he’s strong enough to follow Jesus today, needing fresh conviction of the sin of confidence/independence/worldliness/pride, so he might momentarily be DumbSheepDave, content to be clueless/weak, enjoying the bliss of Jesus-dependency/humility, so the pre-believers around him might experience the love of Jesus
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