Thank You for Your genius plan

for my life, that includes lotsa suffering, that I might be grown more self-aware and self-accepting, so I might be grown more Jesus-dependent/humble.  Thank You for the many ways I’ve been self-deceived as a Christian leader about my sin/idolatry, imagining myself to be qualified to lead because I’ve appeared to have my act together, to others and to myself.  Thank You for the work of Your Spirit, growing me more aware of how-much-more independent I am than I ever realized, so I’d be more dependent on You, even humble, at times.  Thank You for using all this to bring healing to my troubled soul, that I didn’t even realize was seriously troubled.  Thank You that I’ve always been PatheticallyInsecureImmatureNeuroticDeludedProverDave, though I’ve lived all my life in bigtime denial of my dysfunction, my proving addiction.  Thank You for opening my eyes to see myself, and giving me grace to enjoy myself, just as I am: not the picture of emotional/spiritual health I’ve wanted desperately to believe I am, but rather the awful, unvarnished truth about myself, that I’m a pathetically insecure, immature, neurotic, deluded, prover addict, without hope apart from the healing work of Your Spirit who brings LIFE to the hopeless.

Ahhh, the momentary bliss of Jesus-dependency/humility.

–PatheticallyInsecureImmatureNeuroticDeludedProverDave, still sobered at times by the truth, but surprisingly enabled to enjoy himself, just as he is, when freshly convicted of the sin of self-contempt, so the pre-believers around him might experience the love of Jesus

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