and so is choice? WHAT? Dave, are you out of your mind? Now wait. Well. If you aren’t a control freak, I guess freedom and choice are good things, but lemme tell you what I’ve discovered about myself. I don’t handle freedom well. Because of my fleshly independence. Leaning on my own understanding, being wise in my own eyes. Confidence-I-know-what’s-best. Example:
Driving on a local four-lane road with traffic signals puts pressure on me to perform, prove myself worthy. I’m so hyper-competitive that I always notice how I’m doing compared to cars in the next lane, and my unconscious goal is to WIN — to get ahead of everyone by picking the fastest-moving lane, and changing lanes at just the right time. Same with multiple checkout lanes in a store. Proving addiction. Pick a winner, avoid the losers. Check to see how you did, compared to others. Winning is LIFE-giving. But here’s the problem. Losing, is DEATH. The benefit of winning does NOT compensate for the pain of losing. A hyper-competitive is better off NOT competing, than living a pain-filled life. Which is the only life I’ve known all my 74 years. But oblivious to the pain.
So to avoid the pain of having to face failure, to abstain from my proving addiction, to restrict my freedom and choice, I’ve tried driving ONLY in the left lane of local four-lane roads with traffic signals. Ahhh. You wouldn’t believe how-much-more peaceful it is. Except when I get stuck behind a slow truck and EVERYone is passing me on the right. But what’s good about this humiliation, is my CONFESSing to Jesus, my dissatisfaction with Him and His imputed worthiness to me. I do a lotta CONFESSing. Driving in my car is becoming a spiritual highlight of my week. Also a humiliation highlight of my week. Humiliation is good for the soul of a proud believer. That’d be ShepherdDave.
Now maybe someday I’ll be emotionally and spiritually healthier, so I can drive on both lanes of local four-lane roads without being so competitive. Dunno. Ain’t there today, I can tell you for sure.
—ShepherdDave, not quite as self-deceived as he usetabe, and more skeptical of freedom and choice, because DumbSheepDave — who does nothing on his own, asks and thanks his SovereignShepherdJesus about evathang, is way-happier than competitive ShepherdDave
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