When I say no to my flesh’s desire,

for a cool, fast car, I’m not denying myself happiness. I’m denying I will FIND happiness that way. The flesh, ShepherdDave, used to have me convinced that its pathway to happiness worked. It does not. Lie. Leads to addictive behavior for a wounded soul, and I still have an open, festering wound on my soul from childhood. Until I am completely healed, with no need to prove myself to others or self, I am better off abstaining from cool, fast cars, or even an interest in them, because like a drug, my obsession with cars, does not lead to happiness, but to more addiction. What’s so bad about a hobby for Dave? Distracts from Jesus. Which undermines happiness. And power to love enemies.

I’m still not sure about my addictions to ministry, investments, bargains, health, great decisions, sports teams, but I’m moving in those areas much-more cautiously than ever before, looking for intensity, obsessing — red flags for addiction. ShepherdDave flags.

My flesh wants accomplishment, but my soul wants love. Accomplishment provides a conditional love, but my soul needs unconditional love. The only two sources of unconditional love I’ve been able to find, are Jesus, and myself. I need both to experience LIFE/Jesus-dependency/happiness. And I first need to experience unconditional love from Jesus, to experience unconditional love from myself to myself. Ahhh. Addicted to Jesus. Deeply satisfying.

–DumbSheepDave, happiest ever, hoping the pre-believers around him see the difference Jesus is making in 2013

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