The worse I feel, physiologically,
the more confident I am I know what’s best for me and others. And. The less contented I am, with myself, possessions, accomplishments, Jesus, and His genius plan for my life, and the more easily irritated I am with others, and the more competitive I am. Inwardly. But outwardly I’ve learned to fake niceness, kindness, humility.
When I feel awful, physiologically (like when one has the flu), I’m way-more self-absorbed, self-centered. I feel awful about half the time, so it’s become clear to me that the physiological definitely impacts the emotional/spiritual. I would never have learned so much about myself and others, if I felt good all the time. But it’s rugged. And hard on the people who have to live with me. Janet has learned to keep her distance when I feel lousy. I deeply regret that, and regret that my kids had to live with that growing up. Still. Jesus has known exactly what He’s been doing all along, in their lives and mine, as He’s dragged me kicking and screaming down this path called sanctification, learning precious truths about myself and others. Suffering produces perseverance, then character, then hope/faith/dependency/humility/wisdom. Wisdom is believing I have none of my own worth leaning on, but Jesus does. Suffering ain’ta bad thing, but it sure is painful. I always need reminding.
What helps me most, when I feel lousy, is to surrender my feeling lousy to Jesus: “Whatever it takes, Lord, to get me more Jesus-dependent/contented/humble/clueless-I-know-what’s-best, that’s what I want more than anything else in this world.” I still feel lousy, but I see the purpose in it: suffering produces perseverance, then character, then hope/faith/dependency/humility/contentedness/cluelessness-I-know-what’s-best. Life is sooo much easier when I feel good, and feeling good has become my chiefest idol, but even that idol pales in comparison to the benefit of Jesus-dependency.
— ContentedEnjoyerDave, enjoying everyone and everything just as it is, for the moment, because of the convicting work of the Spirit, so he’s not MalcontentDave — the believer who is confident-he-knows-what’s-best
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