…not achievement, success, striving, proving. At least I’d LIKE that to be my focus. Contentment with who I am today, what I have in Jesus, and what I have in the way of possessions, like my car. No more contemplating my next car, even though it might be ten years away. Irrational obsessing. Living in the future, not content in the now.
I’d love to replace “Am I worthy right now?” with “Am I content right now?” I’ve never REALLY asked myself consciously if I’m worthy right now, but I suspect that’s what’s beneath everything I do. I’d like to shift the question, the big issue in my life, from worthiness to contentment.
Contentment = alive to Jesus, dead to everything else, even good stuff. Contentment = enjoyer of others and self, just as we are. So I made a little note for the dashboard of my car. “Contented enjoyer.” To remind me. Maybe after a while, it will become meaningless. Just words. Dunno. Though it’s been on my dashboard for a month and it’s still helpful.
Contentment at traffic lights that are longer waits than my flesh would like. Only the discontent are impatient, because of confidence-we-know-what’s-best. The patient/content/humble are clueless-about-what’s-best, so are not in a hurry. The content enjoy the PROCESS, are not so obsessed about the DESTINATION, reaching the goal, in record time, the most-efficient way, hurry, hurry, hurry. Ugh. Such a prison. Why do I DO this to myself? My pathology, dysfunction.
I’m excited about being more intentional about being a contented enjoyer, coaching myself at traffic signals, behind little old ladies in Buicks, to chill out, enjoy the process, enjoy the slow drivers He’s created and placed in my path, to pay attention to my feelings, be liberated about the destination timetable. WHO SAYS efficiency, achievement, productivity, reaching my goal, will make me happy? Where does that confidence originate? In the pit of HELL. When I’ve been freshly convicted of my discontentment/impatience/judging, I effortlessly look to Jesus and His performance, instead of to myself and my performance, or others and their failures/weaknesses. And I’m so much happier, so much-more peaceful when I’m overwhelmed with Jesus and all I have in Him. Ahhh.
Except when I feel lousy, physiologically. Then it’s really, really hard to be content. I just want to finish, get to my destination. No fun waiting at a long traffic light when I feel awful.
–DumbSheepDave, baby steppin in healthier directions sometimes, because of the Spirit’s convicting work
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