I work harrrd at being a wonderful person.

Why?  I want others to believe I’m wonderful and DAVE wants to believe it too.  But I’m coming to see that it’s not what I DO that reveals how wonderful or horrible I am, but rather what I THINK.  And nobody knows that but Dave.  And Jesus.  Truth is, I’m NOT a wonderful person.  Oh I’ve loved and served many, many people, who are convinced I’m wonderful, because I’m good at being credible, believable.  And while I DO care for others, deeply, and enjoy them, there’s a dark side to my loving/serving them well, that’s rooted in my wounds from childhood that made me feel rejected, worthless, and my subsequent, unconscious strategy to be wonderful to prove to myself and others, that I’m not worthless.

As I’m more aware of the real Dave’sFlesh, I dowannabe working so harrrd to be something I am not.  All my life, I’ve tried to be something I’m not, and becoming a Christian at age 24, just exacerbated the problem.  Since then, I’ve tried even harrrrder to be wonderful — a wonderful Christian.  The bar is higher, the pressures greater.  So it’s a relief to come out of the closet today about who my flesh really is.  I’d like to work less hard at being wonderful, but I’ve been at this for so long, that I’m not even sure where to begin, to change, or even HOW to be different than I am.  Maybe just being more aware of my dark side of why I serve others, will help.  I hope so.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, promoting Gospel-awareness, self-awareness, and sovereignty-awareness, that Christians, including DAVE, might have integrity/authenticity with seculars, so we’re not stumbling blocks to them considering/embracing Jesus, and so Christians with unusual self-awareness might feel less lonely — have believing friends to whom they can relate

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