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  • Writer's pictureweakdave

I am a racist.

Updated: Sep 13, 2020

I secretly judge other humans, initially, by how they are dressed, how they act, talk, their race, etc.. I consider a minority who is middle class, an equal, and not threatening, if I encounter them in my middle-class environment. A minority who is poor that I encounter in a poor urban neighborhood, makes me nervous to varying degrees, because I don’t know if they are angry toward this white guy in their neighborhood. Once I get to know them, and feel safe around them, I’m fine, enjoy them just as they are.

In 1981, after birthing four kids, my wife and I adopted two black kids, a boy needing ADHD meds, age 5, and his sister age 3, because they needed a permanent home. Today, I regret bringing them into a predominantly-white community, predominantly-white schools, predominantly-white church. If we had been wiser, and if the black adoption counselor who approved us for adopting trans-racially had been wiser, we would not have adopted across racial lines, unless we were willing to move to a more-racially-diverse neighborhood, schools, church. But we love all six of our adult kids very much.

Outward racists vs inward racists.

I’ve come to the conclusion that EVERYone is an inward racist, because EVERYone assesses a first-time encounter with humans of another race, based on stereotypes, trappings — how they’re dressed, how they talk, car they drive, etc.. An AfricanAmerican is understandably wary of a first-time encounter with a white person, because s/he assumes until-proven-otherwise that the white person is guilty of being racially prejudiced and therefore unsafe. Every AfricanAmerican growing up in the USA, understands why whites need to be considered unsafe, until proven otherwise.

Highly-educated white Americans know it’s not PC to be outwardly racist. We want to believe we’re above that, better than that, better than those ignorant, despicable, red-neck white supremacists. We all live in denial of how bad we are inside, that nobody would ever see, including ourselves. We don’t like to think about it, because we know it’s WRONG. We are all self-contempt avoiders, so we don’t think about it, and instead focus on the OUTWARD racism of others, so we can feel superior to them, better about ourselves.

What’s missing in today’s discussion about race, seems to me, is humility. Anti-racist activists seem clear-sighted, prideful judges about the blindness of white conservatives, but seem blind to their own self-righteousness, lack of humility, and their own racism. Anti-racist activists are not chief confessors, but chief accusers of others, which is a turn-off to others, or pushes others to live in denial of their racism, trying hard to prove they are not [shudder] racists. Anti-racist activists would be way-more effective as chief confessors, rather than the divisive force they are today. The conscience is reached by love and humility, not by accusation, correction. Only the humble love unconditionally — accept/enjoy others just as they are, with no demand others change, BUT letting others know how the others painfully impact the humble, that the humble are hurtable.

How does a divided nation change? Seems to me, it’s only through humility. How has this human ever become more humble? Only by the Spirit of Jesus opening my eyes to freshly see the hidden pride in my life, so I CONFESS and am freshly humble, undone, contrite — an unconditional lover of others and myself. And it doesn’t last long, in my experience. And. I find I don’t love others unconditionally unless I freshly love/accept/enjoy myself unconditionally.

— Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships, as prideful as they come

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