Do I enjoy myself when
I fail at following Jesus -- following my human-wisdom instead, as JudgeDave? Or do I get irritated or disappointed with myself? Do I only enjoy myself when I perform up to my expectations? It's been helpful for the Spirit to EXPOSE to me, my pride in wanting to perform better than I do. I HATE the lifestyle of being JudgeDave -- critical, competitive. I've lived that way all my life and I'm sick of it. I love it when I'm EnjoyerDave -- enjoying everyone just as we are, and everything just as it is, seeing Jesus behind everyone and everything. Seculars are not compelled by the Jesus in me, when I'm JudgeDave, analyzer of everyone and everything. Pride, not humility.
So lately I've been CONFESSing more, my conditional enjoyment of myself when I fail, and I fail all. the. time. It's Gospel-like, to enjoy myself when I'm a great example of a bad example. The imputed worthiness of Jesus OUGHT to be enough for me. But my human-wisdom HATES me being a failure/loser in ANY area. Get used to disappointment, Dave'sHumanWisdom.
-- Dave McCarty, GospelFriendships
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